


I'll Disolve When the Rain Pours In

by Arynphallia



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Episode: s06e01 The Impossible Astronaut, F/F, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:54:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26240716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arynphallia/pseuds/Arynphallia
Summary: He'd picked Lake Silencio for a reason, River knows that. The Doctor seldom does thing frivolously, their little meeting spot has to have some greater purpose.But things seldom turn out the way we expect them.
Relationships: Eleventh Doctor/Rose Tyler, Ninth Doctor/Rose Tyler, River Song/Rose Tyler
Comments: 23
Kudos: 119





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will hopefully have another chapter that explains more, but well, my muse is fighting me on it so here we are.

He'd picked Lake Silencio for a reason, it's a nice little isolated part of Utah, Amy and Rory probably don't think much of it, but River knows better. She can see the tension in his shoulders during their makeshift picnic, how he looks off into the distance like he's waiting for something. 

There has to be something special about April 22nd, 2012. 

She watches a shudder roll over him and the little radio she'd brought to play music suddenly turns to static. 

"Doctor?" She asks, has to ask, because it feels like there are much bigger things in play right now and River has never liked being out of the loop. 

He looks at her and for just a moment, the mask slips. The goofy professor act is stripped away and she can see into the pain and longing on his features. He glances away, looking off toward the lake. The surface is rippling outwards from the center. "I've been here before." He says just to River while Amy smacks the radio, still trying to find a signal. 

River nods, understanding at once that he's just remembering. She knows how important that is. There are things he needs to remember, no matter how much they hurt, to keep being the Doctor. Her hand reaches for his, twining their fingers together a show of support. He squeezes gently to show his gratitude, still watching the mountains across the lake. 

Amy finally gives up on the radio and goes back to the story she’s been telling. 

River can't bring herself to pay attention, content to hold the Doctor's hand and quietly support him while he remembers. The lake ripples again and the ground trembles ever so slightly. Amy and Rory probably don't even notice. But River does and so does the Doctor. "She's safe." He whispers under his breath, like he's trying to remind himself. "She's always going to be safe."

River can't help but wonder who 'she' is but it might just be one of those things the Doctor never tells her. And there have been so many of those, will be so many more, that River can't find it in herself to be angry over some mystery girl. She doesn't own the Doctor and River herself has had her fair share of paramours that it seems down right unfair to deny him the right to do the same.

So she sits with him and holds his hand until his memories stop haunting him and he stops staring at the mountains beyond the lake like they hold some sort of terrible hope. 

***

She's always known that the Doctor will die. 

And she's always known that she's the one who will cause it 

But the funny thing about memories, time travel, and being part time sensitive species is that her mind is very efficient at blocking off future knowledge for the preservation of the timelines. So she has no memory of killing the Doctor. 

Now, she has the memory of watching him die. 

She takes Amy and Rory to a diner regroup. She needs to get them home and she needs to figure out where the Doctor left the TARDIS. The two problems would fix themselves if the Doctor had given her a bloody TARDIS key when she'd asked for one ages ago. 

Amy is in shock and Rory is doing his best to comfort her. River fiddles with her vortex manipulator, wondering if there's a way to hone in on the TARDIS. But it all fades out when the door opens again, the bell chiming as if it's trying to warn her. 

"-telling you, Rose. Best chips in three states."

River closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, slowly exhaling. She knows that voice. There isn't as much information on  _ that _ Doctor as the others, but he's there. And River has spent a long time memorizing everything she could about individual regenerations. 

Someone, Rose, she assumes, responds quietly and River feels a shiver run up her spine. She knows that voice too. 

She can't resist a glance and it feels like all the air has vanished from the room. The Doctor is the gruff northern one she'd been expecting, but Rose is not. She's known the Doctor long enough to know of Rose Tyler. But there are no photos of her on the TARDIS. 

That face, though, with those mesmerizing brown eyes is one River is intimately familiar with. 

Things slowly slot into place and River realizes they're the reason her Doctor, the bowtie one, wanted to die here. 

That stupid sentimental man.


	2. Chapter 2

River is nine the first time she runs away from home. She hops a train to London and rides as far as she feels, getting off near a massive tourist stop. Then she picks buses at random, letting the pulling sensation she feels lead the way. Time senses, she knows from the short time she was with that scary woman with the eye patch. There's something, or someone, calling her and she can't help but obey. 

She ends up in a small park, watching other kids play and dejectedly kicking the ground under her swing. The pull had stopped, seemingly finished now that she was where she needed to be. But there wasn't anyone here for her! It was just a bunch of stupid kids and their even stupider parents. Maybe she really was alone. She'd hoped for a while, that there might have been someone out there like her, someone who could take her home to her parents at the proper time so she wouldn't have to be alone anymore. And she could protect her mum from the Doctor. But no. It was just her stupid time sense going wonky and soon she'd have to go back to bloody Leadworth and-

"You alright, mate?"

Melody looked up, quickly taking in the girl who'd approached her, the other kids had given her a wide berth right from the start, but apparently this girl was brave enough to cross the boundary. "I'm fine." Melody snapped, crossing her arms. "Go bother someone else."

The girl giggled. "Could do, but Mickey's gran just took him home. So I've got nothing to do 'cept wait for mum to come get me. I'm Rose, by the way. Rose Tyler." She offered her hand. 

Melody eyes the hand warily, finally deciding it wouldn't be so bad to have another friend. "Melody Zucker."

Rose grinned, not letting go. "Nice to meet you. Now come on." She pulled Melody along, taking off at an incredible pace. 

They left the park and Melody expected the pulling sensation to return but it didn't. Had she missed her chance? Or was Rose the one she'd been waiting for? "Where are we going?" She shouted, trying to pull free of Rose's grip. It wasn't often that Melody was afraid, but this whole situation was starting to get out of hand. 

Rose had taken them to a stairwell and pulled the door open. "My house. Mum'll have tea ready."

"I thought you said you were supposed to wait for her to come get you!" 

"This way she doesnt have to." Rose said rather cheerfully, seeming a bit out of breath now that they were starting up the stairs. She pulled Melody out of the stairwell and down a hall, stopping in front of one of the flats. "Your parents aren't going to be mad, are they?"

Melody thought of Amy and Rory, sitting in their respective homes, not even knowing they were her parents and couldn't resist a laugh. "No, they won't even notice I'm gone."

***

Rose's mum arranges for regular visits after that, somehow convincing Melody's foster parents that Melody's trip to London are perfectly safe and even beneficial. Which, they are, in a way. Melody, or Mels, as she starts to prefer, gets into significantly less trouble after a weekend at the Tyler flat. Her teachers marvel at the improvement. Mels is just fascinated at having a mystery to solve. Rose is definitely the source of the pull she feels, but so far as Mels can tell, Rose is completely human and nothing like her. 

Maybe it's one of those mysteries that will just take time to solve. 

So they spend at least one weekend a month together and Rose fills the time by telling brilliant stories about all the trouble she gets up into school. 

The stories change as they grow up, shifting more to fit boys and general gossip. With anyone else, Mels would be bored to tears but she always eats it up because with Rose she feels like she belongs and that feeling is too precious to waste. 

***

They're sixteen and smoking cigarettes on the roof, just to try. They both find them disgusting and giggle at how ridiculous the whole thing is, but Mels can't resist asking where Rose got them. 

"Jimmy gave them to me. He said I was grown up enough that I could have some."

Mels rolled her eyes. "He sounds like a tosser."

"Course you'd think that, but he's right fit. He plays guitar and he's in a band. They're gonna make it big. Travel the world and all that." Rose has got that light in her eyes again, the one that Mels has seen time and time again, that desperate thirst to travel and see things beyond the soggy little island they'd been growing up on. 

"Well what's the world when you can see the stars?" Mels countered, bumping her shoulder against Rose's.

Rose rolled her eyes, giving Mels a playful shove. "Come off it. You've been talking about running off into time and space since we were kids. It's never gonna happen. It's impossible."

"We can do it!" Mels insisted. "I'm just waiting for the opportune moment. Some day, you and me, Rose Tyler. We're going to see every star there ever was, just because we can."

***

Then Rose runs away with Jimmy Stone. Mels vows to kill him one day, furious that he'd stolen her best friend from her. 

She never gets to see Rose in person again. They have a few short phone calls where Rose reassures Mels that she's fine, she's been traveling and then she has to go because her mum is calling. Jackie calls on a regular basis and let's her know she can come by anytime, that she should come to Christmas, because Rose'll be home but Mels can’t. Rose is the one who left her. She can't just go crawling back. And there's no way in hell she wants to meet the bloke Rose is traveling with. 

Mels hates her just a little bit, hates her bloke even more, but it's so impossibly dwarfed by how much she loves Rose that she doesn't know what to do so she throws herself back into plotting the Doctor's demise. Once she has his ship she can take Rose with her and they can go on the adventures Mels promised so long ago. 

She doesn't remember the stars well, but she knows she's seen them, remembers the wonder of starlight and the fragile dance of galaxies, the gentle pulse of time under her skin that marks her as non-human  _ throbs _ around Rose. 

Mels  _ needs _ to show Rose at least a fraction of that, as much as Rose's human senses can grasp. Maybe Rose will understand then, why Mels has never been able to resign herself to life on Earth. 

***

Then the Battle of Canary Warf happens. 

She knows before she even checks the lists of the dead. 

She checks anyways

There they are, one right after the other. 

Mels shuts down because for the first time in so long, she's alone. Amy and Rory are off being disgustingly in love and her only other friend growing up is dead. 

The strange sort of fog that descends on her can't be something humans feel. On telly, people are never this detached from their grief. She wishes she could wail and cry and rage against the universe, but all she can feel is numb and the throbbing of the Rose-shaped hole left in her life, but that's been there for a few years now. 

She steals a bus and crashes it, just to feel something. It doesn't work. 


	3. Chapter 3

Rose lingers by one of the bar stools, completely oblivious to the fact that River's world is crashing down around her.  _ The Doctor _ is the reason Rose started 'traveling'

He's the reason River lost her best friend.

The room closes in around her, choking the air from her lungs and River is suddenly sixteen again, smoking cigarettes on the roof and wanting nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with Rose. 

She stands up suddenly and rushes from the diner, unable to catch her breath. Outside is no better with the bloody heat and oppressive sun, but it's away from Rose and that's important. She bends over with her hands on her knees and tries to breathe, gasping air into her lungs like the world is about to run out. 

"You alright?"

River freezes, closing her eyes and trying to steady herself. Of course Rose would follow her outside. Because Rose always had to be so damn compassionate. It's only when River opens her eyes to look at Rose that she realizes she's been sobbing. The ground in front of her is speckled with tear spots.

"Not really." She admits, because it's always been nearly impossible to lie to Rose. "My friend died today." It's a massive simplification, but it'll have to do. She can't tell Rose about either of the deaths she's grieving today. "I'll be fine. I'm sure the bloke you came in with is waiting for you." 

Rose frowns at her, "Are you sure? I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I-"

"I'm fine, Rose!" River finally snaps, just wanting her to be gone, the memories too painful to cope with right now. 

Rose goes pale but looks decidedly angry. "How the hell do you know my name?"

River pales herself as she realizes her mistake. She scrambles for an answer, cursing her own lack of self control. She's never slipped up like this with the Doctor, but then again, she hadn't been in love with the Doctor, at least not the way she’s loved Rose. "Sometimes, people meet out of order. When you travel the way we do." Oh, this was so dangerous. She can feel her own timeline tightening around her neck like a noose, she needs just the right words to take Rose's interest off her before the leather jacket Doctor shows up and starts asking questions. 

"We? Are you saying that you're a time traveler?" Rose asks, crossing her arms over her chest. 

River nods. "Been trying to see every star that ever was. Bound to run into the Doctor at some point, so it'd be great of you to keep that a bit hush." Her audacity is slowly coming back as the noose loosens. Rose doesn't remember her. All she needs are the right words and she's scot-free to go back to the TARDIS and figure out what to do next. 

"Mels?" Rose asks quietly, looking surprisingly hopeful.

"Rose." River breathes. Timelines tighten around them, pulling taught enough to break, River waits for them to snap, almost wishes they would. Anything to distract her from the battering that her hearts have taken today.

There's a tense moment where neither of them move and then Rose starts to relax. "It really is you." River nods and Rose keeps talking. "You look different. Why do you look so different?"

"Had an accident a few years ago." River replies like that explains anything. 

"Right." She shifts her weight and River prepares a speech about not telling the Doctor and moving on from this when it's the last thing she actually wants to do but Rose speaks before she can. "So you're off seeing the stars like you always wanted."

_ But I'm alone. I wanted to do this with you. _ River thinks but doesn't say.  _ I wanted to be  _ **_with_ ** _ you. _ "It's better with two." River says slyly, watching Rose's eyes go wide and she wonders if the Doctor's said something similar. "Anyway. This is the point where we go back to our respective timelines and never talk about this again."

"Mels-"

"And that's fine. Really, it is. But you can't mention to the Doctor that I'm here because it'll mess up how I meet him in the future and-"

"Mels!" Rose shouts, startling River out of her babbling. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't wait for you."

River sniffs and tries not to cry again. "It's alright. Everything had to happen as it did. And besides, I just wanted you to be happy."

The tangled mess of their timelines slowly lets go, River can breath again until Rose throws herself into River’s arms. She’s warm and perfect and she smells just like how she used to but there’s something new, too. That slight tingling of her time senses that lets River know Rose is a time traveller now. “I am happy. It’d be better with you. But what about you, Mels?”

River hugs her back, unable to resist this last moment. She runs over what her life has been like without Rose, “Sometimes, yes. All of time and space, it’s nearly everything I ever dreamed. But there are good days and bad days. This just happens to be one of the bad.”

“I’m never going to see you again, am I?” Rose asks and River sighs, hating herself for what she is about to say. 

“Spoilers.”

Rose frowns, “What the hell are spoilers?”

“It means I can’t tell you without endangering the timelines. I’m from the Doctor’s future, Rose, and if anything I say here makes it to him, the paradox it could create could cause significant damage.” Understanding dawns in Rose’s eyes and she reluctantly pulls away from River.

“Right. Then I suppose I should go, get back to my Doctor.” 

River nods. “That’s probably best.”

Rose grabs River’s hand and make River’s fingers close around something. Then she leans up and kisses River’s cheek. “Stay safe.” She whispered, her breath is warm and makes River shiver.

River opens her hand and blinks at the pair of hoop earrings Rose has given her and Rose goes back into the diner. She remembers these. They’d been a present on Rose’s fourteenth birthday from Jackie and Rose had worn them nearly everyday since. River slips them on and ducks around the corner of the building just as the door swings open and Rose comes out with her Doctor. She looks around, searching for River. River pokes her head out while the Doctor’s back is turned and blows a kiss. Rose beams and pulls the Doctor off, presumably back towards their TARDIS. 

Once she is sure they are gone, she goes back into the diner and pointedly ignores the looks Amy and Rory give her. They can take their sympathy and- no. That is rude. They are just being kind. “Right then. Let’s get down to business. We need to find the TARDIS and then I can get you two home.”

They all look up as the rear door opens, completely shocked to see their Doctor coming through the door waving a bendy straw around.


End file.
